I am seventeen years old and recently lost my grandma, aged 69. My name is Grace and I'm learning to cope with it. She passed away on the 10/04/15. It broke my heart.

My grandma was not a soppy, typical grandma but I knew she loved us (my cousins, myself and my sister) with all her heart. Everywhere we went she would come with us from Folly Farm to Cardiff to Swansea! No matter what we were doing or where we were going she would be there. Every meal we ever had, every BBQ we ever held she would be there. When I was little she would look after me and my cousin. I can remember the wild patterns of her cushions and the pebbles she used to paint. The tile shop she worked in would be great fun for me and my cousin.
A few years ago she started to become a little unwell. She used to love her food and sweets and coffee but all of a sudden her favourite things were making her physically sick. I was only young at the time and didn’t know what was happening. I know that she had an operation to remove her gall bladder and from that point on she stopped eating foods that were high in fat. She believed that this would stop her being sick and it worked for a few years.
Towards the end of last year grandma became ill again, but this time the doctors didn’t know what it was or how to stop it. She was admitted to hospital several times but they couldn’t find what was wrong. Also at this point grandma refused to help herself to get better. This made me and other family members a little mad because she could have got better. In the last hospital visit, she was kept in for over a month to keep an eye on her. She was starting to get better and was being cared for. They decided to send her home the week before Easter and set her up with carers, nurses and support teams.
My aunty visited her every single day. We leave 60 miles from my family so when possible we would go and see her. It upset me to see her so ill but I kept the thought that she is going to get better. The final week happened a little to quickly. She deteriorated and decided that she no longer wanted to fight it. This was devastating for us as we thought she would live for a lot longer. I was in work when my mum came in to get me and tell me. The only thing I could do was scream out that she was wrong. We went down to where my family are that night and just sat together.
Its been about two months since she died. Everyday is a struggle but my friends and family are always there to help me and guide me in the right direction. The most important thing I have learned in the last few weeks is to not bottle it up and to talk about it.
Every now and then I get waves of emotions where I just explode. But that’s ok. There are people there that will pick up the pieces until I’m ready to move on and live life again. Things will get easier it just takes time and patience. I love you and miss you everyday grandma